Conversations from my CHU

Dude, I said to my sergeant as we were cleaning off the table for another cookout. What are you using to wipe that?

Uhh...these wipes, he said, gesturing at a plastic package. Why?

Man, I yelped. Don't use those! Use the Clorox wipes! Those are butt-wipes! I can't use Clorox wipes on my butt if you waste all the butt-wipes on the table!

The sergeant blinked, then reached for the Clorox wipes. You have really, he said, got to start stealing toilet paper again.

If you're out there, whoever keeps stealing the toilet paper from the porta-jon, I hate you.