09 January 2007

Grasping at straws of sanity

Sometimes things get a little out of control.

1 - a job. I've applied for a great one and I think I've got a chance at it. But it's a government job and the process takes forever. Don't want to commit to anything else big until I know about this one.

1b - a job. Gotta do something. Dog toys don't grow on trees, yo. Mama needs some new toys of her own.

1c - a job. The Forest Service is hiring for some weird writer position on a small island in Alaska. And I've always wanted to go to Alaska. And I'm having this early midlife crisis...

2 - the Marine Corps. They're gonna send us somewhere. Fairly soon. Sounds like it's gonna be somewhere sucky. Don't know for sure until they send orders. Don't know when they'll do that.

3 - the Army. They finally think they might really be done with me. That's great - right? RIIIIGHT? True, I define myself more that way than any other and last time I got out I hated myself every day for it, but everyone who loves me thinks it's GREAT. So it is. RIIIIGHT?

4 - the house. In Minnesota. That we still own. The renter wants to buy it, which is great. But how do we get from the rent-to-own contract to the part where we have money and aren't making mortgage payments? Better figure THAT out... And when is that gonna happen? Because that might be...kinda important.

5 - my dog. She's itchy and her hair keeps falling out. If it weren't for my dog, I'd have changed my name and fled to the islands months ago. DAMN IT - heal thyself, canid!

6 - assorted personal shit I don't feel like detailing here but that gnaws at my brain.

So I found myself driving around today, gritting my teeth again (I swear I have no idea how I have any teeth left) and chainsmoking and taking deep deep breaths to keep from screaming. The radio was NOT helping. Neither was my current favorite driving CD.

(never listen to a custom driving CD when you feel like fleeing your life - unless you really really want to end up in Fort Smith working at a diner under an assumed name)

BUT! But - in one little apparent moment of good judgement back when I made my driving CD, I put a Beach Boys tune (Wouldn't It Be Nice) on it.

So I played it. Then played it again. Then went into PetSmart. Then played it again. Then went into Publix. Then played it again. Then I went home instead of just driving north and shedding my entire existence like a rat snake that's tired of its old skin.

So, since life in general doesn't look like it's going to sort itself out neatly anytime in the near future, I downloaded a bunch of HAPPY oldies tonight. More Beach Boys. The Supremes (the upbeat shit). The Crystals. The Chiffons. All that stuff.

And tomorrow I shall take out the music that makes me want to make excessively rash decisions, and I shall put in the Happy Oldies, and it shall remain in my CD player until I'm not mere fractions of an inch from going totally batshit.