I hate my dogs

Around 0415, something didn't sound right, and my eyes opened. I listened - Jack was up to something, pawing around under the bed.

The pawing stopped, and the ripping began. Yes - ripping. I lay there, semi-asleep, listening and trying to figure out what exactly was going on.

Aha, I realized. He was shredding a book - probably P.J. O' Rourke's All the Trouble in the World, which I'd left on the window ledge.

This book eating has become a bit of a hobby for him lately. There are a lot of books around here, and I can't put them all out of reach. So it's now classified as a smackin' offense.

I lay still, and thought. Riiiiiip....riiiiip....riiiiiiiip....

A smackin' only works if one catches the culprit in the act, so I coiled (as much as one can when in bed and sleepy). I gathered myself, and launched over the edge of the bed, with a loud "no! bad!" and a wild right hook, flailing to make contact.

Did I point out that Mr. Abby's side of the bed is between my side and Jack's bed?

In my glee at finally catching Jack in the book-eating act, I'd forgotten there was someone sleeping in my planned assault route.

Poor man woke up to me landing on him, shouting, "No! Bad!," and punching wildly over the side of the bed. He seemed just a wee bit startled.

"What are you doing?" he groaned.

"Jack was eating a book."

He sighed. Reached over the side of the bed and grabbed the book, whomped Jack on the head with it. Jack, of course, being mostly Lab, doesn't seem to mind be being whomped in the middle of the night, and mostly thought we were all going to be awake and play.

At the bottom of the bed, Sparky was awake enough to want to move, and I heard Casey get up from her bed (on my side), and wander into the bathroom for some toilet water.

"Please," the Mister begged. "Would you all just be quiet and go back to sleep?"

So we did, until 0510, when they realized we hadn't latched the bedroom door, and began racing in and out through the dog door to enjoy the early morning sprinkler cycle in the back yard.