So I got back from the Clenched-Ass Run From Hell. And I was sitting around, watching a movie. For some reason I glanced out toward the kitchen. And saw it.
A goddam wolf spider. From the University of Florida, we know the following:
Wolf spiders belong to the family Lycosidae. They are very common and usually found on the ground, where they are well-camouflaged. The Carolina wolf spider (Lycosa carolinensis), at 25 mm to 35 mm, is the largest in the United States. These spiders do not spin webs but some dig burrows or hide under debris. Like other hunting spiders, they have good eyesight and are sensitive to vibrations.
They're not poisonous, but this little fucker is on borrowed time. Please understand - this spider is as large or larger than the round fired by the chain gun on the AH-64 Apache attack helicopter. I'm all about the happy animals, but I cannot sleep while there is some sort of enormous nocturnal hunting spider roaming my house.
Now, these are clever spiders. We had a couple of them move in...I dunno. A while ago. I explained to Mr. Abby that if he did not kill them, I would shoot them. With a shotgun. In the house.
Upon further reflection, that's probably not technically the best way for me to handle this. Most effective and gratifying - certainly. But I think there would be paperwork.
My next preferred method is the vaccuum. However, the vaccuum is right next to the loveseat, under which the Beast seems to have established its Giant Spider Forward Operating Base. I will not be lured in that easily.
So I need a whacking tool. And one that does not require me to get close to the Beast. Magazines are out.
- CRAP! - I just got up to locate a whacking tool. I was thinking of my five-gallon plastic water can. But I forgot that because I am prepared (stupid hurricane-prone Florida), it's full. Five gallons of water weighs 40 pounds. I can certainly carry it, but I cannot chase a spider around the house, swinging it wildly.
So - scratch that part about whacking it. I bravely approached the loveseat and took charge of the vaccuum. When the Beast shows itself...well, people, it will be game on.
Once I suck it up, I have some loose birdshot that I will suck up in order to ensure it is deader'n shit. I learned that from my Mom. Suck 'em up, pelt 'em, then put the vaccuum outside. Giant spiders are like zombies - you can't be too sure that they're gonna stay dead.
It may be a long night here at BDC, because I am NOT sleeping while this thing is in the house.
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