16 January 2007

Balls landing...

Ok, so in reference to the earlier hint about a really great job...someone else will find out if that's the case. The government agency in question decided to "go another direction." (bastards)

Now, I've got a couple of other lines in the water, but that was the one I liked the best.

And then there are the voices. I hear them - do you?

Ahh, fukkem! You didn't want to sit inside at a desk and draft text for the rest of your life!

True, that part wasn't so appealing, but the money was good and the location was great!


Come on, I'm a grownup. I'm supposed to have a boring job! I should settle down a little. There's gotta be something...

Why should you settle down? You don't want to settle down. Settled down is halfway to dead. You know what you really want...

No I don't.

Yes, you do. You want to be back on the hairy edge.

But that's not a healthy want! I need to get over that! I need to want to be...a secretary, or a student, or a bureaucrat! And I do! I want to do that! And to come home every day and -

And try to think of something to cook and turn off the news because you feel like a weaseling shit? That's not what you want.

If I try maybe it will be!

No. Remember what it feels like to roll out a gate? Oh yes, you do. Remember auto-pilot, when you're not even in your head anymore, because everything is automatic? Remember what it was like to deal with other people who had a sense of purpose?

But I'm supposed to be thrilled to be back here and working at McDonald's is supposed to sound better!

Says who? Really, says who? You're supposed to NOT want to do something you're good at, and which is really, no bullshit, important? Who the hell is running your life?

I am.

Doesn't sound like it. Whatever happened to "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do?" Does that only work for one gender? Is it "a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do as long as everybody agrees it's the best thing to do?"

I dunno. If everybody else is telling me something, though, doesn't that mean there's a pretty good chance it's right? Anyway, they're all just worried about me.

That's nice. I'm sure they are. But is living one's life in manner to not cause others any concern what we should be doing. Anyway, if everybody else got naked and jumped off a bridge, would you agree it was the right thing to do?

Well, yeah. See there was this one time on Wake Island...

You miss my point. Nevermind. You just think about all that for a while. I'll be back.

Have I mentioned how much I HATE the voices?