Via the Brit-watching Kim du Toit, we hear about this horror: Scary Cows Spark Rescue Mission
Seven schoolgirls have sparked a major search and rescue mission - after being frightened by a herd of cows.
Huh? Well, then I assume they're small children. Very small. Because if you're very small, cows could, I guess, seem scary. They are, after all, quite large.
The terrified pupils, aged 14 and 15, were on a geography field trip in Swanage, Dorset, when they sent out an SOS.
They were dropped off three miles from their outdoor centre and told to find their way back using a map.
But the teenagers, from St Albans in Hertfordshire, got stuck on a hill when they came across a herd of cows in a field blocking their way
Point 1 - that's actually a pretty freakin' cool school assignment. Land nav rocks. I wish I had gotten to do things like that when I was in school.
Point 2 - what the Hell? "a herd of cows...blocking their way???"
Official Bad Dog Position Statement follows: no child of mine, nor any stepchild of mine, nor any child with whom I remotely associated, better ever turn into a giant sniveling pussy at the mere prospect of cows.
"Someone from the centre went out to meet them and persuaded them the cows weren't dangerous.
"They got to the other side of the field but were feeling tired and it started to rain so someone from the centre called the coastguards."
The Year 10 girls were on a residential field trip run by the Allnatt Group as part of their geography coursework and were staying at the Chatsworth Centre in Swanage.
Maire Lynch, the headteacher of Loreto College in St Albans, said: "None of the girls suffered any injuries, although one girl who complained of feeling cold was taken to hospital to be checked over by medical staff.
Seriously - I wouldn't take that phone call. If that were my child, I'd answer the phone, and it would get ugly.
"You what? Because of what? They had to call the Coast Guard? Because of cows? Hell no, I'm not going to come and get you. Walk you happy ass home. I don't care if it's 25 miles, maybe it'll give you a chance to get over your idiotic fear of cows!"
Which is probably why I don't have any children of my own.
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