Arming the neighbor kids - or not

I just off the phone with Randy. Randy is my older male cousin, and he lives up in Michigan. He's actually Cousin R's older brother, but I figured I'd give him his own name to keep things less confusing.

Randy is in the process of turning into a bit of an old bachelor (at 30). He works a ton, saves his money, lives alone in his own home and accumulates firearms.

At some point, he's going to meet the right gal and she's going to shut that down, so I encourage him.

Anyway. As some old bachelors are, Randy is fond of children. He is also fond of some fruit trees in his yard. He is, however, not fond of the rabbits that wreck havoc on his fruit trees.

This is the story he told me on the phone.

"So I had a family move in by me, and they had some boys. So I went over to the Dad and told him, 'Hey, I want to buy each of your kids a BB gun and BBs and let 'em shoot my rabbits.'"

I blinked into the phone. I love my cousin, but he's a straightforward guy, and I imagine he just walked up to this Dad who'd just relocated his family "to the country" and made this offer, with no more subtilty or fanfare.

"How'd that go for you, Randy?"

"Well, one of the boys was standing right there, and his eyes lit up. But the Dad was like, 'No, they're just 8 and 10 and I don't think that would be safe.' I told him, 'hey, when I was 10 I had a .410 and nobody worried about me!' But he still said no, even when I said I had 300 bucks in my pocket and I'd take 'em all down to the store right then."

"Well, I guess it ain't 20 years ago anymore, is it?"

"Nope."

Now, I can understand how having the goofy bachelor up the road wander over and offer to arm your children would be a little odd. But, c'mon! I know mothers can be a little flaky, but what Dad in his right mind would pass on that deal?

It's too bad, and I hope that the neighbors reconsider when they've lived there a while and realize that Randy's just...Randy. Not creepy, just the guy without a lot of social polish who thinks that boys should whack nuisance rabbits.

Because, c'mon - if you were a kid, what on earth would be more fun than having a neighbor set you up with a nice BB gun and asking you to declare open season on yard pests? I bet if those kids worked it right, they could even talk him into paying a bounty.