This idiotic state

I've said it before. If you live in Florida, and if you have children, you're probably going to lose one or two of them. If they survive the alligators and crazed child murderers, and manage to dodge the random gunfire, they're probably going to be run over.

See, in Florida, apparently, children are not taught to look both ways before crossing the street. I've been out of the area for almost half the time we've lived here and I can still clearly recall seeing no fewer than ten news stories about children being run over in the Bay Area.

And we're not usually talking about little kids, either. I can think of at least four cases in which high school aged kids have been fatally run down in broad daylight.

Now, this is just generally a social failing. Of course parents should teach their children to look both ways. However, it's something I feel entirely comfortable saying that schools should also cover.

Jesus Christ - they taught me to look both ways before crossing the street and I grew up on dirt roads.

And if you never teach children to look both ways, those who aren't run down grow into adults who don't know they should look both ways. And you get news stories like this.

So, to recap. If you live in Florida and you have children, there's a pretty good chance something horrible will happen to at least one of them. So you should probably have three or four. It's socially unacceptable to give children handguns in today's litigous society, but Florida is absolutely crawling with violent child sex predators. So lessons in screaming for help, running away and testicle kicking are in order. Keep your children away from fresh water, and they probably won't fall victim to alligators. Stay away from shady areas and teach your kids to duck to minimize random gunfire's threat.

And above all - teach them to look both ways before stepping out in traffic. People here cannot drive. At all. Teach your children to trust nothing - not crosswalks, not crossing guards, not looking in just one direction on one-way streets.

It's a scary world out there. If you can't move your family to South Dakota (a very nice place), much education is in order.